Documentation
Getting Started
Last updated: v1.0.0 · 2 min read
Overview
Crackhead Engineering is an enterprise-grade apparel platform for the mass deployment era. Founded in 2026 by a mass deployer who mass deployed one too many times and started a t-shirt company instead.
Architecture
Our technology stack consists of:
infrastructure: a human with photoshop
compute: a printful account
fuel: approximately 3 energy drinks per design
deployment: vibes-based
monitoring: checking twitter for complaints
FAQ
Is this a real company?
Technically, yes. Emotionally, no.
Do you offer enterprise pricing?
If your company wants to mass deploy branded crackhead merch to your entire org, yes, reach out. We will take this extremely seriously for approximately 4 minutes.
What's your SLA?
We guarantee 99.9% uptime of this website. We guarantee 0% uptime of the founder.
Can I return items?
Yes, if it's defective. No, "my mass deployment failed and I blame the shirt" is not a valid reason.
Do you have an API?
You're looking at a website built on one. So yes, technically. No, you can't use it to automate buying hats. We checked.
Where do you ship?
Anywhere Printful ships. Which is most places. If you're reading this from a submarine, we regret to inform you we cannot deploy to your coordinates.
Open a Ticket
For support, complaints, or existential questions about the nature of mass deployment, reach out on Twitter/X. We respond within 2-3 business vibes.